


Dying Is Easy, Living Is Harder

by RavenpuffWrites



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Angst, Blood and Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, Fake AH Crew, Gun Violence, Immortal Fake AH Crew, Other, Past Character Death, Past Drowning, Post-Fake AH Crew, Temporary Character Death, ish? Post their first rise anyways, past school shooting mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-07 15:36:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21460396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenpuffWrites/pseuds/RavenpuffWrites
Summary: Immortals never really forget the first time they die. No matter what, it always seems to haunt them.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 95





	Dying Is Easy, Living Is Harder

They say that immortals never forget their first death. That no matter what they try, they can never quite shake the scars it leaves behind.

* * *

Fiona always runs colds. Isn’t sure if it’s from the ice that runs in her veins or the fact when she died, she was buried under feet of snow, and even after waking she could still feel the cold settled deep into her bones and never could shake it away.

She’s always wearing a jacket no matter how hot it is outside, sleeps under piles of blankets to keep warm at night and one the days it’s cold enough you can see your breath, she avoids stepping outside because all it takes is one gust of wind to remind her of the hours she spent out alone on that mountain and the feeling of your body slowly shutting down in the cold. 

She leaves lights on wherever she goes without thinking, even at night when she sleeps. 

That’s something she shares with Matt. 

It’s not that they’re scared of the dark or anything. 

But after hours spent trapped in it alone, you start to avoid it whenever you can

* * *

Matt has a constant cough that he can’t seem to shake no matter how hard he tries. Like his body still thinks there’s water in his lungs even though it’s been years since the night he first died. 

It took weeks when he first came back to life for him to be able to take showers without panicking, and still even some days he feels his body tense up even at the sound of the shower running and he avoids getting his face wet at all costs. 

Hasn’t been in a pool since that day, although sometimes when he’s with the crew he’ll stick in his feet and as long as the others are there, he knows he’s safe. 

He hasn’t even gone near the ocean, the smell of the saltwater makes him sick to his stomach, a taste he can never quite rid from his mouth no matter how long passes.

* * *

Gavin can never quite shake the feeling that someone is watching him. He’s always looking over his shoulder when he goes out, always looking to the tops of buildings or other perches, half waiting for a sniper bullet to fly at him. 

He flinches now when anything is thrown his way, even when he’s expecting it, he can’t help his body’s natural reaction to try to scramble out of the way.

Always feels like he’s on the verge of a headache no matter what he does, the dull pain becomes something he is used to but some days the blow into full-formed migraines and he can’t even move from the amount of pain he is in. 

Though he once loved going out, Gavin spends more time avoiding crowds these days than joining in. 

There is safety inside of their little apartment, and he is more than happy to stay in it

* * *

Jack has always played the support role for the team, but he never used to be afraid to take a gun and charge into a fight. 

It was just that support was more often the role they needed, and there was no one better at flying or evading the cops than Jack was. 

Now Jack hesitates to even pick up a gun. Avoids gunfights when at all possible, he had never been the best shot but ever since his death even holding a gun makes his hands shake.

Before he used to drive around flipping off cops, now Jack keeps his head low and both hands too tightly gripping the wheel as bullets fly during a chase, 

He always stays outside, and when possible, stays back at the base. 

The sight of his own blood may make him sick, but when it comes to the others, he has never been more systemic at getting them patched up. 

There’s a little tenderness that’s been lost with the way he patches them up, traded in for an urgency that didn’t use to exist. 

It still comes from the same place of love. 

And that’s really what matters the most.

* * *

Michael was always one to rush headfirst into battle, unafraid of taking on combat hand to hand. He wore knives in his belt in case he needed them, and on one occasion he was feeling particularly bold, he even carried a sword into battle and used it to hack apart an enemy crew.

Michael still carries a knife wherever he goes, but now it’s something he does out of protection. Keeps it hidden in his pocket where no one can see it, but when he’s in a crowd of people or walking alone his hand always rests on it, just in case he needs to defend himself the way he failed to the night he died. 

He prefers to take combat from a distance now. Relying on his gun take people out before they even see him. 

Some days he swears he can still taste the metallic taste of blood in his mouth. He’ll chew on the inside of his cheek until he starts to bleed just to trick his mind into not thinking anymore that he’s dying again, give it a reason to actually taste blood instead of just making one up.

* * *

Lindsay has never been afraid to wield a gun. If anything after she died, she became more comfortable holding the thing that killed her. She’ll jump into firefights without a single thought, and laugh as the bullets whizz past her even when they’re so close she can almost feel them go by. 

Guns and bullets don’t bother Lindsay, 

But still, she freezes up whenever she hears about another mass shooting that’s taken place in another school,

She still jumps every time a door closes too loudly and sounds like a gun going off, feels a wave of panic rush over her every time she’s out somewhere and a voice comes over the speakers to make an announcement. 

She gets oddly quiet whenever someone mentions college or school just in general, 

Sometimes starts talking about her degree only to stop and remember she never actually got to finish, another thing snatched away when she had gotten so close.

* * *

Alfredo has never been scared of heights working as a sniper, but there are some heights too much even for him. 

He hasn’t set foot into an airplane since the night he died. Not a helicopter... nothing that would cause him to fly. 

For someone who so often stays off the ground, you would think that flying would be second nature but he just can’t bring himself... 

Even the sound of a plane flying overhead makes his heart jump a little. He watches the others go while he’s on the ground and even though he knows they can’t die, still he can’t stop the fear clawing in his chest until they’ve landed again.

* * *

Jeremy had never been afraid to use explosives. While sure bombs and all things that go boom have always been Michael’s territory in the crew, he had always been willing to share and Jeremy willing to take part. 

He hasn’t touched even a grenade since his death. Gave Trevor his rocket launcher after they teamed up, still has C4 and pipe bombs left from the first time FAHC reigned that he’s never even touched. 

He takes wide berths around gas stations now while driving home, gets someone else to fill up his cars because the idea of going back and blowing up again is not one Jeremy ever wants to handle. 

Once Michael’s assistant in all things explosive, now Jeremy stays as far away from his destruction as possible. 

Even the sound of fireworks means he has to wear headphones to enjoy them with the crew. He stays a little ways back as they set them off, and watch the colors burst while trying not to think about his body doing the same.

* * *

The problem, for Trevor, is that touch is something he craves and yet fears all the same. 

In the years following his death he would flinch away from anyone who got near him, friends or strangers alike 

He started to wear hoodies and long pants no matter the temperature just to reduce contact.

He could never quite rid himself of the feeling of hands all over him, holding him down as they poked and prodded at him, still feels the pressure sometimes of them against him,

Sudden grabbing of his limbs and hands over his mouth jerk him to a place he never wants to be again.

So for years, he avoids any sort of touch.

Until he meets Jeremy and Matt and realizes how much he craves that kind of connection.

But still can’t stop himself from flinching when Jeremy even brushes against his hand, 

He wants so badly to be okay with touch again but it’s hard when you’ve gone for so long without anyone touching you gently. 

No matter how many times Jeremy holds his hand, or Alfredo lays across his lap during movie night, 

Gavin cuddles into his side looking for attention 

Even with every good touch he welcomes, 

Trevor can’t stop the little spike of fear, the way his body tenses just slightly, can’t stop always waiting for the pain.

After all, they say that immortals never forget their first death. That no matter what they try, they can never quite shake the scars it leaves behind.


End file.
